JUST SAY NO

Therapeutic Coach Clare Timms' advice on setting boundaries

Tell us about yourself Clare…

My journey into coaching and personal development began in 2014 when I joined an online community led by an inspirational life coach. At the time, I was working as a self-employed web developer—a flexible career that fit well around my family life. But as my children grew older, I found myself craving a path that felt more aligned with my values and true nature.

I decided to train in Therapeutic Coaching with the OHC in London.  It’s a modern and effective alternative to traditional psychotherapy and counselling. This approach blends talking therapy with somatic techniques and nervous system regulation, drawing on a range of modalities including NLP, coaching and mindfulness.

Since then, I’ve partaken in regular CPD masterclasses and further training – all part and parcel of being a registered practitioner.

What is a Therapeutic Coach?

As a certified practitioner, I support a wide range of clients with diverse challenges. Over time, my practice has naturally gravitated toward helping those dealing with anxiety and related conditions. While my clients come from all walks of life, many are midlife women navigating the transitions of peri- and post-menopause.

Therapeutic coaching offers a distinct approach compared to traditional counselling or psychotherapy—it's more directive and practical. I often describe it as “therapy from a coaching corner.” While our sessions may begin with space for reflection and conversation, there comes a point—when it feels right—where I introduce tools and strategies you can apply in everyday life.

We work holistically, addressing the mind, emotions, body, and nervous system, while honouring the interplay between the conscious and unconscious mind.

One aspect of your work is introducing the idea of ‘setting boundaries’. Why?

As women, we’re often conditioned—by culture, family, or tradition—to be endlessly kind, caring, supportive, and generous. And while those are beautiful qualities, they can come at a cost when we consistently prioritise others over ourselves. Over time, this can chip away at our sense of identity and self-worth.

Many of us also have a strong empathetic nature, which can sometimes tip too far—blurring the lines between what belongs to us and what belongs to others. This is where things can get tricky.

Setting boundaries is about becoming aware of those blurred lines and beginning to redraw them with clarity. There are several different types of boundaries—emotional, physical, mental, time-based, and more—and all are equally important. The key is identifying what feels okay and what doesn’t in various areas of your life, and then learning to communicate that clearly and calmly with others.

You’ll quickly begin to notice who respects your boundaries—and who doesn’t.

The benefits of boundary-setting are profound, even if they’re not always immediately measurable. You might feel a renewed sense of self-esteem. Some relationships may strengthen through clearer communication, while others may fall away—revealing they were never truly supportive in the first place. You may feel more confident, more assertive, and more in control of your time and energy. Saying “no” becomes easier, and with that comes less stress and more space for yourself.

Ultimately, boundary-setting isn’t just a tool—it’s a way of living more intentionally. It’s about honouring your needs, owning your choices, and feeling more empowered as you move through the world.

What are your TOP 3 TIPS?

1) Try a Visualisation Exercise

Picture yourself standing on the pavement on one side of a road. On the opposite side, you see the other person. The intention is simple but powerful: stay on your side of the metaphorical street, and let them stay on theirs.

This visual creates a clear boundary between what is yours to manage—and what is not. It’s a reminder of the difference between your responsibilities and theirs; what you can control, and what’s outside of your control.

A common challenge arises when we express something honestly, and then feel responsible for how the other person reacts. But your job is to communicate with respect and good intentions. Their response? That’s theirs to own.

So when you find yourself tempted to step onto their side of the street—pause. Breathe. And remember: That’s their bag, not yours.

2) Remember that saying “yes” to yourself often means saying “no” to others—and that’s perfectly okay, but not easy at first. It’s natural that not everyone will be happy with the boundaries you set. When people resist or push back, you get to decide how to respond—and how firmly you’ll hold your ground.

3) Be gentle with yourself—change takes time. In those first few attempts, you don’t need to get it perfectly ‘right’. Think of it like a pendulum: it needs to be pulled to one side to get moving. At first, it may swing too far and too fast, but gradually, it will find its natural rhythm and balance.

How can people connect with you?

www.claretimms.co.uk

Instagram: @clare_therapeutic_coach

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