SLOW BURN

DR HANNE WARREN ON SPOTTING THE SIGNS OF 'BURN OUT'

Tell us about yourself

I’m a Clinical Psychologist and the founder of Thea Psychology, a specialist therapy service dedicated to women’s mental health and wellbeing. We are a small team of four specialist, highly-trained psychologists and typically work with women navigating the complex emotional terrain of relationships, motherhood, identity and midlife.

I worked in the NHS for over a decade before leaving to set up Thea Psychology and I particularly love working with women with big, ‘messy’ or intense emotions. 

Outside of work, I’m a mum of two, a reader, and I love weights training, yoga and running. Physical exercise is a core part of how I look after myself and particularly my mental health. I’m continually learning how to move through life with as much self-compassion and strength as I can, as well as offering the same to the women around me.

Was it personal experience that drew you to your role?

Yes, it was my own early experiences of distress and mental health struggles that made me want to become a psychologist. It is often noted how many therapists are ‘wounded healers’ - people who are moved to help others thanks to their own experiences of difficulty and challenge. I definitely - and quite proudly - put myself in that camp.

So how does therapy ‘work’?

My therapy style is focused on deep compassion and connection. It is underpinned by an understanding of how your current difficulties make total sense in the context of your earlier life experiences. Our earlier attachments, general life experiences and trauma provide the framework for the ways in which we cope today - and the ways in which we get stuck. Having an understanding of that allows us not only to make sense of your difficulties today, but also shows us the things that will help you move forward.

Another big part of the therapy may involve working with your values: discovering what really matters to you and then helping you to consistently take action aligned with these core qualities. This helps people to drop unhelpful coping styles such as people-pleasing, avoidance or perfectionism, for example, and instead helps them take actions which feel inherently meaningful and purposeful for them. This work ultimately helps women to shape their own lives in ways that feel deeply aligned and, simply, better. 

So many women that I work with are very able to be compassionate with others, but have never learnt how to have a good, supportive relationship with themselves.  This is very tied up with their sense of self-worth and so helping women to develop a deeper sense of self-trust, self-compassion and self-worth is often a central part of the work we do.  

Tell us about Burnout

First of all, I want to clear up a common misconception: burnout is not just stress. It is a state of emotional, cognitive and physical exhaustion that occurs when your nervous system has been in survival mode for too long. It builds gradually, until one day you no longer feel like yourself and you have no idea how to go about getting back to who you used to be.

Burnout is very common in midlife - yet often overlooked. Many women are juggling caregiving to children and/or their own parents, work, emotional labour, and invisible responsibilities, all while carrying long-held beliefs about needing to cope, hold it together, and be the one others can rely on. Burnout doesn’t always look like collapse - in fact this is the end stage. In the early stages it looks like over-functioning.

Burnout is what happens when your nervous system is chronically activated and long-standing psychological patterns keep telling you to push through. These patterns are often shaped early in our lives by attachment experiences and the roles we learn to play. Many women in midlife are especially vulnerable because they’ve spent years being strong, capable and responsible. Often at great cost to themselves.

Burnout tends to unfold in phases. Recognising where you are in this progression can help you understand what might be helpful next steps for you.

1. The Honeymoon Phase

You’re coping - possibly even thriving. You might feel energised, committed and motivated. But this phase is often driven by internal pressure to perform, prove your worth, or meet everyone’s expectations. Early signs of imbalance (like overworking, skipping rest or missing meals) are easy to dismiss. We think things like: “I’m tired, but that’s just life right now”.

2. Chronic Stress Phase

The pressure starts to feel more relentless. Your nervous system is activated more of the time. You may feel on edge, overwhelmed or more reactive. Small things start to feel disproportionately hard. You are still functioning, however, and may dismiss your signs of stress. Sleep, focus, or mood might dip - but you keep pushing through. We think things like: “If I can just get through this week…”.

3. High-Functioning Burnout

You’re no longer just tired - you’re running on empty. You might appear composed on the outside, but inside you feel detached, numb or emotionally brittle. Tasks take more effort, joy fades, and your tolerance shrinks. You may find yourself withdrawing or snapping more often. You feel disconnected from yourself and from others. We think things like: “I’m not sure how long I can keep doing this”.

4. Collapse Phase

This is when burnout becomes impossible to ignore. Your body or mind may begin to shut down through illness, anxiety, panic, exhaustion or complete withdrawal. Even basic tasks can feel overwhelming. There may be a sense of grief or disorientation as you confront how far you’ve pushed yourself. We think things like: “I can’t do this anymore”.

Types of Burnout

•   Frenetic Burnout

Characterised by overwork, overdoing and the constant drive to prove your worth. You keep going, even when exhausted, fuelled by pressure, ambition or perfectionism. You might think: “If I just achieve that next thing, I’ll feel better”.

•   Under-Challenged Burnout

This burnout stems from chronic stagnation. We feel unfulfilled, unrecognised or emotionally disconnected from our work or role. We’re not overwhelmed, but under-stimulated. We are disconnected from our values and things can feel meaningless.

•   Worn-Out Burnout

This comes from exhaustion that has been building for a long time. You may feel helpless, depleted or resigned. Often we’re staying in a situation that no longer feels sustainable, but unsure how to change it. It can often be fuelled by duty, fear, or a sense that stepping away isn’t an option.

You might recognise one, two, or even all three of these types of burnout. They’re not mutually exclusive; it’s common to experience a mix, either at the same time or moving between them over time.

How can you begin to recover?

Recovery begins by asking what’s keeping you in overdrive. What beliefs or fears make it hard to step back? What would real rest or emotional safety look like - not just physically  but internally?

Recognising the signs early can make a huge difference. Burnout is usually maintained by old coping patterns that once kept you safe. Understanding those patterns can help you move forward with more clarity and choice. Recovery isn’t about the odd bubble bath or holiday away. It’s about changing your relationship with yourself to one of greater awareness and self-leadership, in which you create more moments that reconnect you to who you are beyond what you do or who you think you have to be.

Burnout isn’t a personal failure - it’s a signal. In midlife it can be a real turning point in which women move into a way of living that honours their limits, their needs and their worth.

What are your 3 Top Tips?

1. Make changes small and do them often.

It starts with small, regular moments where your body gets to come out of survival mode. This can happen in many ways: breathwork, time away from devices, lying flat, body movement, being in nature. They’re cues to your nervous system that it’s safe to stop. And when they’re done often they start to make a real difference.

2. Gently ask: why is stopping hard?

It can help to ask yourself what gets in the way of slowing down…..fear of letting others down? Guilt? Fear of not being enough? These patterns are usually old, and they’ve helped you survive at one point. But they may also be part of what’s keeping you burnt out now.

3. Let someone in.

Burnout often happens invisibly, behind the scenes, while you’re still functioning. It’s easy to feel like you just need to push through. But this isn’t something you have to figure out alone.

Talking things through with someone who gets it - whether that’s a trusted friend, family member, work colleague or a therapist - can help you feel less alone. We are wired to find safety in connection with others and letting someone in can help to change the patterns that have been driving the burnout.

How do people get in touch with you?

www.theapsychology.co.uk

Instagram: @theapsychology

Offer: 20% discount off your first therapy session, exclusively for Natural Progression subscribers.